Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Fair Warning

A variety of signs greet visitors at the gate of our military installation. No Cell phones while driving. 100% ID checks. Another lists the FPCON.

My kids like to figure out meanings for the various acronyms. FPCON? Fruit Pizza Coming Out Next? French Puppies Can't Open Newspapers? Actually it stands for Force Protection CONdition, or in layman's terms the amount of security (force) to maintain our military installation for a given situation. You might remember DEFCON levels from the movie War Games. Similar concept.

In a sense, FPCON levels give fair warning to me when I enter the base as to how much extra time I need to get where I'm going. For our military members, it means heightened security procedures.
For practical purposes, higher levels mean more inconvenience for the average civilian.

My children (creative and theatrical) have developed the MOMCON system to give each other fair warning about the status of how "inconvenient" life may be for the day.

MOMCON 1 ~ Mom is generally content.
MOMCON 2 ~ Mom is slightly agitated and may be settled with a cup of coffee or a coke.
MOMCON 3 ~ Mom is cleaning something to use up her "extra" energy from being so irritated with the fact that "No one cares that the house is a mess, but ME!"
MOMCON 4 ~ Mom cannot be appeased with any amount of chocolate or Twizzlers. Find something to do, or you will be recruited to do chores that never end.
MOMCON 5 ~ Mom is going to the Java Loft. Do not call her 16 times on her cell phone. Do not call the Java Loft and ask if your mom is there. Do not call Dad looking for Mom. She will be home later.

You have been given fair warning. Send coffee!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Too Much Coffee?

There are days when I drink one too many cups of coffee.

2 Cups: I check for neighborhood kids before backing out of the driveway.
4 Cups: I announce to the neighborhood children that I am getting ready to leave the driveway and would they mind lining up on the sidewalk and count to 30.

2 Cups: I wonder who accidently dialed my number.
4 Cups: I google phone numbers that show up on my caller ID just so I can know who called.

2 Cups: I facebook my friends about things I find on sale.
4 Cups: I buy extra of everything so my friends won't miss out.

2 Cups: I turn on a morning news show while I check my email.
4 Cups: I channel surf between 4 major news channels (so I don't miss anything) while I email, facebook, twitter from my laptop and play Words with Friends on my phone.

2 Cups: I "encourage" my children to do their chores.
4 Cups: I preach about cleanliness while running around the house like a banshee with the vacuum and a container of Clorox wipes.

2 Cups: I write a book review.
4 Cups: Well... I write things like this.